Roadside
by Salix15
Summary: the 7th installment of my Faberry series. Monday morning finds Rachel facing her worst nightmare: a brokenhearted Quinn. Will she be able to deal with the guilt left over from their breakup? Will Quinn revert back to being the HBIC she was pre-Rachel?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: and here it is, the next installment of the series! This has been proof read a little, but hasn't been looked over by my beta so all mistakes are mine. I promise, this story isn't going to be super angsty. Yes, Faberry is broken up, and this is the aftermath, but I'm going to try and balance out the heartbreak with some lighter stuff in between. I'll try to have the next chapter up soon, but until then please review. They are food for the muse!**

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Leroy Berry let out a long sigh as he stared at the clock on the stove. It was 7:10 on Monday morning, and the house was eerily quiet. Normally at this moment in time he would be able to hear the pitter patter of his daughter's tiny feet moving around upstairs as she got ready for school. Sometimes she would even be warming up her voice if she had something prepared for glee club that day. For the last two or three months it also wasn't uncommon to hear the low murmur of her voice as she talked on the phone with her girlfriend. _Ex-girlfriend now_, he thought, and took a sip of coffee.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when the front door opened, and in walked Hiram carrying the newspaper. He looked tired, large bags were under his eyes, and he looked as if he were still half asleep. Since the breakup with Quinn - a whole four days ago - Rachel had...regressed, a bit. Hiram had spent most of the night laying with their baby girl and singing her lullabies and rubbing her back. Every time he got up to leave she would cry out for him, tugging at his heartstrings and making it impossible for him to leave.

"How is our prima-donna this morning?" he asked, and sat down at the table. Leroy was surprised that he didn't sound bitter. His husband was, at times, overprotective of their little girl, and this was Rachel's first big heartbreak, Leroy had been expecting Hiram to want Quinn's blood. At first he had been upset beyond belief when they came home from work and found Rachel sobbing hysterically into her pillow. When she explained it was her fault that they broke up, Hiram had still been upset, wanting to take away his baby's pain, but he couldn't find it in him to hold it against Quinn.

"Still in bed. I never thought I would miss the sound of that damn elliptical, but waking up to complete silence almost broke my heart," he said, and took a large sip of coffee. It was his third cup that morning, and he was normally only a one cup kind of guy. Since he had given up smoking the day Rachel was born, however, his way of reliving stress was drinking more of the stuff. Seeing their daughter hurt always caused the men a great amount of stress. "She's going to be late if she doesn't get up soon."

"Well, I stayed up with her last night," Hiram said around a very big yawn. Leroy couldn't help the smile that tugged at the corners of his lips. Hiram's bad habit of being passive-aggressive about things had always driven Leroy a little crazy. Over the years he had grown to tolerate it as Hiram worked on being more forthright. However, early mornings after a very late night meant he was allowed to backslide.

"Alright," he said with an over exaggerated sigh. "I'll get the little monster up, if you insist." Just because Hiram was slipping back into old habits because he was exhausted didn't mean that Leroy couldn't have a little fun teasing him for it. He took one last sip of his coffee before setting the mug down on the counter. When he glanced at Hiram the other man had a small smile on his face along with a far off look in his eyes. He knew that look all too well: nostalgia-face, as Rachel liked to call it.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, and stood next to the table. He put his hands on Hiram's shoulders and softly squeezed the muscles. As soon as Rachel was feeling better the two would have to go away for a weekend to reconnect. Between work, all of Rachel's extracurricular activities, and now helping her through her first real love and loss the two hardly had any time to just be themselves.

"Remember Halloween when Rachel was seven, and at the last minute she changed her mind about her costume and wanted to be Boo from Monsters Inc?" he asked, the smile on his face growing larger. Leroy smiled also, and shook his head a little. They had spent three weeks scouring all of Lima looking for the perfect dress so she could be Dorothy from Wizard of Oz, and two hours before they were supposed to go trick or treating, she refused to leave the bedroom, saying that it wasn't right and she wanted to be Boo instead.

"She's not allowed to date anymore. Not until she goes away to college," Hiram said, his tone had taken on a much more stern quality. Leroy rolled his eyes, and gave his husband's shoulders another squeeze. This wasn't completely unexpected, and he was surprised it had taken the other man this long to say it.

"Now dear, banning her from dating isn't going to solve the problem," he said, barely keeping the laughter out of his tone. He had to at least try to take his husband's statement seriously. "When she falls for someone else she'll just date them behind our backs. She'll probably think it would make the whole thing more romantic, a forbidden love, and all that other crap she gets from those movies she watches." He leaned down and left a kiss on the top of the shorter man's head. "Read your paper, I'll go get sleeping beauty ready for the big day."

He left the room without another word, and as soon as he was on the stairs he felt a weight settle on his chest. _Ok, no more coffee for the rest of the week_, he thought. He knew deep down it wasn't about how much caffeine was in his system at that moment. No, he knew it was because in just a few seconds he would be walking into Rachel's bedroom, and odds were he would have to practically drag the girl out of bed. Hopefully not kicking and screaming. As dramatic as his daughter could be, he didn't think he would be able to handle that type of situation this morning.

When he opened up Rachel's bedroom door he was greeted with the sight of almost pitch black darkness, and a limp buried under the covers. It broke his heart to see her room like this. Normally Rachel always had the curtains open, and only closed the window when she was singing or had her music up really loud, as per the rules that were set because of the noise complaints they kept receiving from the neighbors. This gloominess reminded him more of that creepy little girl from the Addams Family.

"Rachel," he said in a low voice. He walked into the room, and stood by the side of the bed. She had the covers pulled over her head, but he could tell she wasn't really asleep. She'll never admit it, but she does quietly snore when she's asleep. "Rachel, sweetie, it's time to get up for school." He pulled down the covers very carefully, and as soon as her face was uncovered her eyebrows furrowed, and her face scrunched up in a very displeased look. "Pumpkin, you're going to be late for school." She groaned and rolled onto her stomach.

"I can't go to school today, Daddy, I don't feel well," she mumbled and buried her face in her pillow. He held back the little sigh that wanted to escape his lips as he sat down on the bed next to her. She tried to pull the covers back over her head, but he held onto them. She struggled for a moment, but very quickly gave up. She was either too tired or just didn't have any fight left in her, and the fact that he couldn't tell which scared him down to his core. His baby girl was a fighter, there was no doubt about it, so seeing her like this just hurt.

"Rachel, you can't miss anymore school. You're going to get behind in your studies if you do," he whispered and gently rubbed her back. Normally when he did this she would arch her back into his hand, trying to guide it to where it would feel best. That morning she just laid there, and this time he didn't try to stop the little sigh that fell passed his lips, as he softly shook his head. "I mean it, get up and get dressed." At his stern tone, she groaned again, and looked up at him through half lidded eyes.

"Daddy, I can't. I think I have a temperature," she said, and laid her head back down on the pillow. He could see the damp spots on the fabric where she had been crying, and that tightness in his chest grew larger. He continued to gently rub her back, but she still wasn't responding. When he started running his hand over the back of her head, her eyes screwed up tight, and her bottom lip started quivering. _At least it's something_, he thought, and continued to stroke her hair.

"Rachel, please, you haven't behaved this way since you were eight," he said, trying as hard as he could to keep the frustration out of his voice. He hated this whole situation so much there weren't enough words in any language to describe it exactly. _Maybe Hiram is right, no more dating until she goes off to college_, he thought, and glanced over at the clock. They sat there in silence for a couple of minutes, but if they didn't leave soon then he would be late for work as well, and that couldn't happen.

"Pumpkin, you can't just lie in bed and mope all day. I know it hurts, but trust me, torturing yourself like this isn't going to help at all. It's just going to make it worse," he said, and she buried her face into her pillow again. He could feel her body begin to shake as she started to cry, and he scratched at the back of his head. He knew she wasn't faking to try and get out of getting up, but that didn't mean she could get her way. "I know, Pumpkin, I know." She suddenly rolled onto her side and glared up at him.

"No, Daddy, you don't know," she practically spat. "You weren't there. You didn't see how much I hurt her. How am I supposed to go to school, and sit in class with her and pretend like nothing happened? How am I supposed to just act like I didn't rip her heart out? Can you tell me how?" By the end her voice had lost its edge, and now she sounded on the verge of breaking down again. "Please, Daddy, please tell me." She put her head back down on her pillow and sniffled loudly, trying to hold back the tears. She let out a small, grateful sigh as her Daddy continued to rub her back, and stroke her hair.

"Hey, shhh, calm down, ok?" he cooed at her as if she were a cranky toddler in a desperate need for a nap. He used the pad of his thumb to wipe away some of her tears, and she leaned her face against his big, comforting hand. He knew that if she had her way than the two of them would stay curled up in bed, Funny Girl on repeat while she snuggled into his chest and tried to forget about the world.

"I'm going to tell you something, ok, sweetie? You probably won't want to hear it, but when I was in college I was dating another man." He paused for a second to gauge her reaction. When she was a little kid she refused to believe that the two men had lives before she existed, which was normal for a small child. He had no clue how she would react now, however. She looked at him with big, curious, red rimmed eyes, and he took that as a sign to continue. "We were hopelessly in love with each other, always going off to some political rally, trying to fight for our rights, and when there wasn't a rally we would stay in my dorm room all weekend." He chuckled a little as the memories flooded his mind's eye.

"What happened? Did he cheat on you, and shred your heart into a thousand pieces, and you were really sad about it at first because you loved him _so much_, but eventually you learned to overcome it, and you met Dad, and knew all the pain was worth it because you wouldn't be the man you are today without those bad experiences?" she asked, nothing but sarcasm dripping from her tongue. He gave her _the look_, the one that meant he was in no mood to deal with that attitude, and she had the decency to look chastised.

"As a matter of fact, Mayor Smart-aleck of Sarcastlevania, no that's not what happened," he said, and gently brushed away the last of her tears. "We got into an argument one night, a really bad one, and he said some things that hurt me very badly, and no I'm not going to say exactly what they were, so get that look off your face. Anyway, I stormed off, and went to this little bar off campus, and I slept with the first guy who showed any interest in me." Her eyes went wide, her mouth dropped open, and she completely stopped breathing.

"Daddy, you didn't," she whispered, nothing but shock in her voice. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her daddy, her _daddy_, just admitted that he had cheated on someone. Her daddy just admitted to committing the worst relationship offense someone could commit. She didn't like this at all. Her daddy wasn't just a normal person, he was her daddy. How was he supposed to keep her safe and make her feel like anything was possible if he was just a regular person like everyone else?

"Yes, Pumpkin, I really did," he said, and watched as she sat up in bed. She wiped the drying tears off the side of her face that had been resting against the pillow, and she let out a little sigh. He could tell that this was upsetting her, but if it did some good in the end than it would be worth the discomfort. "I was young, and dumb, and hormonal. He had hurt me, and I wanted to make him hurt just as much. People make mistakes, Rae, especially in the heat of an emotional moment. It's going to hurt, probably for a long time, but if you really want to make it up to Quinn, then you need to get out of bed and prove that you deserve forgiveness." Her eyes drifted down to her lap, and she didn't say anything. He let out a little sigh and stood up.

"Rachel, you have fifteen minutes to get ready or you're going to school in your pajamas," he said, his voice taking on his well practiced dad-tone. He gave her one last serious look that she met with a small glare, but it didn't last for more than a few seconds before she sighed, and stood up. He left the room, and went back downstairs, trying to fight off the urge to drink another cup of coffee. Instead, he found his husband standing at the fridge looking for something to eat. He wrapped his arms around the shorter man, and gave him a lingering kiss on the lips.

"What was that for?" Hiram asked, a small amused smile pulling at his lips. He straightened out his glasses, and looked into his husband's eyes. He was a little surprised to see such distress. Trying to talk Rachel into doing something she was dead set against could be difficult, and seeing her so beaten down was heart wrenching, but he had never seen Leroy like this before. His husband was the more optimistic one, even in the face of hurt and sadness. Whenever Rachel had to go through something he always said it was just growing pains, and they can't shield her from this.

"For being young, and dumb, and hormonal," he replied, and rested his forehead against Hiram's. The short man simply smiled, and wrapped his arms around his love. He had a suspicion as to what brought this on, but he held back on asking. If Leroy had really spilled the beans of the indiscretion in their youth to Rachel then he really didn't want to know about it. He didn't think he'd be able to look at his baby girl for a few days if she knew.

"It's all water under the bridge," he said, and looked up at the ceiling when the sound of Rachel walking around her room could be heard through the floor. A few seconds later a song he didn't recognize at all started blasting, making the house rumble with the deep bass. He was sure she had set her iPod to 'bass booster' just to try and annoy her fathers. "Whatever you said seemed to work. At least she's out of bed." Leroy gave him a very questioning look, and Hiram just smiled. "It could be worse. She could come home with a piercing or tattoo."

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**For those of you who are going to criticize about the fact that Leroy had an affair and he and Hiram are still together, please keep that to yourselves. The harsh reality is 85% of all ****monogamous couples have had an affair whether the partner who has been cheated on knows it or not, and many relationships can survive. **

**Anyway, I have the next chapter all laid out, so it should be up in a day or so.**


	2. Chapter 2

Quinn Fabray walked through the hall of McKinley with her shoulders squared and her head held high. Sure, she wasn't a Cheerio anymore, but she didn't need a polyester outfit to feel like she ran this place. All she needed was her attitude, and she brought plenty of that this morning. She had been locked away in her room all weekend crying over Rachel. Santana had been there the entire time, comforting her, force feeding her, and muttering things in Spanish. Most of the time they were words of comfort, but when she heard Rachel's name mixed in with the ones she didn't understand, she got a very anxious feeling in her belly.

None of that mattered now, however. She got all of those nasty feelings out of her system over the weekend. Rachel had hurt her, badly, and she couldn't deny that she was still in love with the other girl. That kind of thing would go away with time. But she was ready to put on her brave face. She was ready to practically strut down these halls, with her best bitch-stare in place, and show Rachel that just because they were broken up it wasn't the end of the world. Even though every second she spent apart from the puny diva she felt as if her organs were failing.

She made a right turn down a hall that was opposite where her locker lived. She needed to do this. Going out of her way to prove a point may be a little much, she would admit, but she was the wronged party, and that meant she got to choose how to cope with it. She rolled her shoulders, and willed her heartbeat to slow down. In approximately fifteen seconds she would pass Rachel's locker where the little brunette would be getting her books and sorting out her stuff. Then she would toss her the best 'you hurt me but I'm getting over it, so take that!' look she'd ever given. She practiced all morning in the mirror.

As she got closer to Rachel's locker her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. She didn't see the other girl anywhere. It was 7:45, though, and Rachel always got her books and sorted out her stuff at 7:45 in the morning. She stuck with her daily routine like a religious practice. The only time she ever diverted from that was when...Quinn's whole body tensed up when she glanced down at the floor and saw the dark purple color of the grape slushy, sitting there like a sticky poster that read "humiliation was here".

Quinn stopped dead in her tracks and glanced around. She didn't see any jocks or Cheerios hanging out in the hall, and no one was still laughing or smiling while glancing over in the direction of the mess. That meant this was at least five minutes old. Slushy facials were pretty common in this school, especially this hallway, and the kids around here didn't dwell on them for more than a couple of minutes, unless one was given to someone who normally didn't fit the profile of a slushy victim, like a jock or cheerleader.

The blonde turned around and headed straight for the nearest bathroom. Her heart was racing, and a sick feeling was coiling in her gut. She struggled to breathe as she rushed down the hall, not quite running, but walking fast enough to draw attention. She was sure she looked crazy right now, but she didn't care. _God, I shouldn't care so much. She cheated on me, she broke my heart, this should be considered karma or something. She hurts me, she gets a slushy to the face_, she thought, and didn't even hesitate before she opened the door and walked into the bathroom.

She took a moment inside the doorway to gather her thoughts, and calm her beating heart. She could hear someone softly sniffling, and crying as quietly as they could. Just the sound pulled at Quinn's heartstrings, she had no idea how she would react to actually seeing the other girl trying to clean herself up after the attack. _It might not be her. Maybe some loser was just standing by her locker when they got slushied_, she thought and stepped further into the room. As soon as she rounded the corner where the sinks were she stopped dead in her tracks, and she involuntarily gasped at the sight of Rachel crying as she tried to wash grape flavored ice particles out of her hair.

Rachel looked up when she heard someone off to her right. She internally cringed, and hoped her facial expression remained neutral, but knew it probably wasn't, when she saw Quinn standing there. _As if I haven't been punished enough in the last fifteen minutes_, she thought and looked back down at the sink. _Now she had to come in looking perfect. She's probably going to throw this back in my face. She should, she has every right to after what I said to her._

"Are you ok?" she heard Quinn ask, and she tensed at the soft sound of her voice. She wasn't expecting this at all. She was expecting Quinn to act hard, and cold, and completely brush her off all day long, maybe even say some mean words. She wasn't expecting Quinn to act kind, and still show that she cared. _Maybe our relationship wasn't all for nothing_, she thought and turned on the faucet. "I'm sorry, that was a stupid question. Of course you're not ok." She looked over at Quinn with suspicion in her eyes, but the blonde girl didn't stop.

"Don't you have to get to class? I thought Ms. Brewer always gave quizzes on Mondays to make sure you guys read the assigned chapters," Rachel said, her voice sounded somewhat awestruck and a little hesitant, and Quinn had to bite the insides of her cheeks to stop the small smile from forming. She couldn't help it if Rachel sounded cute while she was trying to give her a way out of the situation. It was clear her girl - _No, not my girl anymore, dammit - _was feeling completely out of her element.

"I'll just blame it on menstrual cramps and she'll let me take it at the end of class," she said, and pulled some paper towels from the dispenser. She got them wet with the warm water still flowing from the sink, and Rachel looked at her like she had just grown two heads. "Just let me help. It'll be faster this way." She knew why Rachel was looking at her like that, a small voice inside her head was screaming at her not to do this. When they were outed to the whole school the slushy hits had increased, and cleaning each other up became part of their normal school routine.

"Ok, thanks," Rachel said, and tried as hard as she could to keep her breathing under control while Quinn very gently started cleaning the slushy out of her hair. She tried to keep her frantic thoughts at bay. There were so many things she wanted to say to Quinn. She wanted to tell her how sorry she was, how stupid she felt. She wanted to get down on her knees and beg forgiveness and promise she would do anything to make it up to the other girl. But Quinn was being so nice. She was being helpful, and caring, and she didn't deserve Rachel's anxious energy in her face this early in the morning.

"So who did this to you? Was it one of the hockey players again?" she asked, and her face tensed when she saw how uncomfortable Rachel looked. They always used to make fun of the hockey players whenever they were behind the slushy attacks. "_They've been hit in the head so many times that the thought of two girls being together makes their limited brain cells go into overdrive and they can't function properly_," Rachel would say, and very softly, very teasingly, lick and suck cheery slush off of Quinn's neck. "Come on, Rach, you can tell me." She hadn't meant for the nickname to slip out, but she wasn't about to let on that it was an accident.

"It wasn't a hockey player," Rachel said, and she couldn't make eye contact with Quinn. How was she supposed to tell her this? She wasn't sure how Quinn was going to react and that always scared her. She was already feeling like this situation was completely out of her hands, and she didn't need to feel even more out of control. _Quinn is being so nice to me, she deserves the truth, for once_, she thought, and let out a little sigh. "It was Santana, actually. She called me a hobbit, and told me to go back to the Shire. Then she threw a grape slushy in my face. I'm hoping it's just a coincidence and she didn't pick grape because she knows its my favorite flavor." _Oh yes, that's why she picked it_, Quinn thought, and ran the paper towel under the water again.

"I'm so sorry she did this to you. I'll talk to her; let her know not to do this ever again," she said, her voice taking on a little bit of an edge. Rachel couldn't help but smile. She had totally screwed up, she knew that, but maybe there was hope that they could get back together. Quinn didn't hate her, Quinn was actually being nice to her. And then Quinn had to open her mouth, and ruin the nice feelings swimming through Rachel's bloodstream. "Do you have an extra pair of clothes?" Her stomach tensed up so tightly she thought she would be sick.

"Um, yeah, they're in my backpack," she said, and looked down at the bag sitting on the floor three feet away from them. Quinn turned as if she were going to get them for her. Images from the past flickered across Rachel's mind, and she blushed. The last time she had received a slushy facial Quinn had followed her into the bathroom. She had watched with hungry eyes as Rachel slowly took off her clothes, teasing the other girl as much as she knew how. The blonde had then spent a solid fifteen minutes kissing and sucking the flesh of her chest, and breasts. _"I'm just being thorough, Rachel. You don't want to stain your clean clothes with this stuff, it'll never come out,"_ she had said.

"It's ok, Quinn, I can get them. The bell is going to ring any minute, and I don't want to be responsible for only getting a 95 on your quiz instead of a 100. I know that she docs points when students are late, so please don't say it's a big deal. You're the top in the class so far, and you don't want to get behind or it could jeopardize your spot for valedictorian. I know how much your education means to you, and the best way of getting out of this town is going out of state for college," she rambled, she blushed, she looked everywhere but the blonde, and Quinn smiled. She knew exactly why Rachel was acting like this, but she let the other girl off the hook.

"Ok, Rach, I'll see you in math, and glee club," she said and started walking towards the door. She stopped before she opened it, and listened for a moment when she heard the other girl carefully taking off her wet clothes. She couldn't help the way her body responded, but this isn't why she stopped, though it was compelling her to stand there for a few seconds longer than necessary. _Ok, stop being a pervert, and tell her before you spontaneously combust_, she thought and took in a deep breath. If she had known being alone with the diva was going to be this hard she wouldn't have gotten out of bed that morning.

"I just want to give you a head's up that I'm going to perform a song in glee today. I just...I need to get this out. I think you of all people should understand that." Before the other girl could respond she was out the door. She felt like a coward, but at least now Rachel wouldn't be completely blindsided. _Maybe I should have let her be blindsided. It's not like she gave me the same courtesy. Why didn't she just tell me? I wouldn't even care about that stupid kiss if she had just told me about it. Doesn't she get that I don't care that she kissed stupid Cindy Sanders, but I'm mad because she kept it from me? _she thought as she made her way to class. The farther she got from the bathroom the stronger her feeling of anger towards the other girl became.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: The song used in this chapter is Roadside by Rise Against. I highly suggest listening to it while reading this since I had it on repeat the entire time this chapter was composed. I would also like to apologize for using the world compose since I now feel like a douchebag for saying it. **

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Santana Lopez was in heaven. Or at least as close to heaven as she was ever going to get. She made a mental note to thank Quinn the next time she saw her. Apparently using music to express her feelings was definitely the way to go. If anyone needed proof all they would have to do is look at this moment. _Or not, or I'd rip their damn eyes out_, she thought, and smiled when a low moan rumbled in the back of Brittany's throat. There weren't enough words in any language to express how much she'd missed this.

As soon as the lunch bell had rung she tracked Brittany down. She had been hanging out with Becky, and didn't want to leave. However, a promise of a nice surprise and a box of Dots had been enough to convince her to come with the other girl. She had led Brittany to the choir room, gave a speech about how being apart from the love of her life was slowly killing her. Then she serenaded the blonde with _Iris_ by the Goo Goo Dolls. They had both been in tears by the end of it, and Brittany had pulled Santana into her lap to wrap her in a big hug while the two calmed down.

That was twenty minutes ago. After a few minutes of hugging, Santana had pulled back, and when she saw the look of absolute joy on Brittany's face she couldn't stop herself from leaning down and kissing her. There was never an awkward moment, never the thought that maybe this was rushed. There were only soft sighs, and gentle touches. About five minutes ago Santana had taken a little bit of a risk, and now quiet moans had come into the mix as Santana lightly rubbed her hips down into Brittany's lap.

"This feels like eating ice cream," the blonde said when she pulled back, taking a little breather from all the kissing. Santana rested her forehead against the other girl's and made sure to look into her eyes. One thing that Brittany always complained about was Santana's refusal for eye contact while they were together, and she was going to try and make up for that. She hoped Brittany knew that's what she was doing.

"What do you mean, Brit-Brit?" she asked with a small smile tugging at her lips, making her dimples appear. _God it feels so good to call her that again_, she thought. She felt downright giddy. She wanted to dance and sing and twirl around, and scream about how happy she felt that she finally got to kiss her love again. But mostly, she wanted to get Brittany to the nearest bed and show her all of the ways she loves her.

"I mean, like, I know that ice cream tastes good, and eating it feels super awesome because it gets all melty, but I always forget how good it is until I eat some," she said with that bashful little smile on her face that always drove Santana up a wall. _Is she still talking about food or sex because I can't tell anymore_, she thought, her cheeks tinging pink as her whole body heated up. Her self imposed celibacy as she waited for Brittany to be ready to date again was starting to take its toll.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," she said returning the small smile. She kissed Brittany again, and as soon as their lips touched her eyes refused to stay open. It was a soft kiss, one that lingered with just the hint of pressure that was teasing, and encouraging. As soon as she felt the blonde's hands on her hips, however, it deepened. At first she was a little confused - was Brittany trying to stop her? About to push her away? - but when she felt those soft yet strong hands start to guide her hips until they were doing that same grinding motion as before, Santana didn't hesitate.

The sound of the door slamming open made both girls jump. Brittany yelped in pain when Santana accidentally bit down on her lip. Blood pooled on one little spot, and guilt instantly flooded through her system. She gently wiped it away with the pad of her thumb, and her face scrunched up in sympathy when Brittany winced. All of the guilt was very quickly replaced with anger when she stood up, and turned to face the intruder. She was surprised to see a very pissed off Quinn Fabray standing in the middle of the room, her hands on her hips and her perfect bitch-stare boring into her.

"What the hell crawled up your ass, Tubbers?" she spat, and took a few steps towards Quinn. She crossed her arms over her chest, and pulled her head from one side to the other, cracking her neck as she put on her own well perfected bitch-stare. "Look, me and Brits are busy reconnecting, so if you could make this quick that would be great." She heard Brittany stand up and take a few steps towards them, but she stayed well out of range in case something happened. Brittany hated confrontation, and Santana wanted to get this over as fast as possible.

"What the hell did you think you were doing this morning?" Quinn spat, and Santana's eyebrows furrowed. The blonde glared so hard her eyes turned into slits when Santana got a confused look on her face. "Don't play dumb. You threw a slushy at Rachel's face. What the hell were you thinking?" Now Santana was really confused, and she had no problem showing it. She eyed Quinn up and down, and her mouth dropped open a little as she tried to figure out what was running through the other girl's mind.

"'Why'? Are you fucking serious, Quinn?" she practically spat, and the blonde's jaw clenched so hard Santana was sure her teeth would crack and splinter. "Maybe it has something to do with that snobby little bitch breaking my best friend's heart. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I spent all weekend at your house taking care of you while you cried yourself half to death over her. Maybe it's because she came to school wearing the ugliest sweater in the history of ugly sweaters. Take your pick because she deserved it no matter what."

"I thought I was your best friend," Brittany said, her lips dropping into a small pout, and she looked nothing but dejected.

"You're both my best friends," Santana said without looking at her, though her voice had dropped most of its edge. Brittany seemed satisfied with that answer, though she still looked worried as she watched the scene playing out in front of her.

"I get what you were trying to do," Quinn said, as if her conversation hadn't been interrupted. "And it's sweet in a very twisted way, but please just leave Rachel alone." Her words had a very strong bite to them, and it made Santana want to lash out. The only reason she hadn't thrown Quinn's scrawny ass up against a wall is because she felt bad for the girl. The most annoying girl in school had someone gotten Quinn to fall for her, then at the first opportunity, stomp on her heart. There was something about Quinn's tone, and that look in her eye that didn't sit well with Santana. An emotion that neither blonde could name came over her face, and made both of them feel very uneasy.

"Please don't tell me you still have feelings for that cretin," she said, her eyebrows furrowed so tightly a little wrinkle formed between them. "After what she said to you, Quinn, are you serious?"

"Like you have any room to talk," Quinn spat, her eyebrow raised in both shock and annoyance. "You just called me Tubbers two minutes ago. Like that isn't throwing one of the worst and best things that ever happened to me back in my face?"

"Oh please, I'm a bitch, everyone knows that," she said, giving Quinn her best 'what rock have you been living under?' look. "The difference is I didn't smash your heart into a thousand pieces by sucking face with Berry's little freshman understudy."

"Yeah, the least she could have done was pick someone above you on the social ladder. Kissing a freshman is just lame," Brittany said, and did her best to stand her ground when Quinn trained her angry eyes on the taller blonde. Santana quickly stepped over, blocking Quinn's eye line. She nodded her head in full agreement, and Quinn looked even more pissed if it were possible. She breathed out hard through her nose, her nostrils flared a little as if she were a bull about to charge. Santana just shook her head as she watched. She could not believe what she was seeing.

"You're going to take her back, aren't you?" she asked, her eyes searching Quinn's face carefully. The blonde didn't say anything. She simply stood there, breaking eye contact and stared at the floor. Her jaw was clenched, her shoulders were tight, and most of all she had tears forming behind her eyes. "Wow." Santana sounded genuinely shocked. "That pussy must be _top shelf_ if you're thinking about taking her back after what she's put you through."

Brittany tensed and braced herself just in case. She knew that crossed a line for Quinn, and she was prepared to jump in and pull Santana away if Quinn slapped her. They wouldn't be able to do that thing Brittany really liked if Santana was sore and bruised from a fight. Most of all she was worried about what this would mean for their friendship. The two were just getting their friendship back on track since drifting apart, and Brittany had noticed the change in Santana since she and Quinn reconnected. She wasn't as grumpy all the time, and she thought it had something to do with the fact that she had someone close to talk to about all of the problems between her and Santana. She really didn't want her love to lose that.

"I don't know," Quinn said, her voice cracking as those tears ran down her cheeks. She quickly wiped them away, hating herself for breaking, hating herself for even thinking this way. _Why did I have to be nice to Rachel? Everything would be fine if I just ignored her this morning_, she thought, and looked up at Santana who was stunned into silence. "I'm so angry at her for what she said to me, but I still love her. I don't know if I want to try and make it work, or just let this feeling go away. I just don't know, and it scares me."

She shut her eyes, and wiped away the tears that fell. She really didn't want to face any of this. It was too confusing, too painful, and right now she was regretting getting out of bed this morning. Her mother probably would have let her. She had completely shut her mom out of what was going on. When she found her daughter curled up in Santana's arms bawling her eyes out she had asked what had happened, but neither girl answered, leaving her completely in the dark, and Quinn wanted to leave it that way.

She immediately wrapped her arms around Brittany when she felt the girl begin to hug her. She held on tight, as if she were afraid someone would try to rip them apart. She let out a little sob even though she was desperately trying to hold it all in. She almost lost it completely when she felt Santana softly rubbing her back. Her arms and legs were shaking with the effort it took to keep all of these emotions locked inside, but she couldn't let them out. Not here, not now, not when she had to leave this room and face the rest of the world.

"Hey girls, is everything ok?" Mr. Schue's voice echoed in the quiet choir room, and the three of them jumped apart as if they had been burned. Quinn quickly wiped off her face, and refused to turn around as she heard everyone start to file into the room. On Mondays and Fridays the glee club met right after lunch, and she knew that. She should have left as soon as the tears started, but now everyone was going to see her like this. More importantly, Rachel was going to see her like this.

"Yeah, Mr. Schue," Santana said, with a sweet little smile on her face that showed her dimples. Anyone who saw that look knew not to trust anything that came out of her mouth. Everyone but her sometimes naive show choir teacher, which is what she liked most about him. "Quinn's just a little sad today because her Aunt Flow is in town. You remember what that's like living with your wife for so long, right?" She wanted to cackle at the uncomfortable look he and every other boy in the room got on their faces after she said that.

"Alright everyone, take a seat," he began and Santana and Brittany took their usual spots in the back. They waited for Quinn to follow them, but she stayed where she was. Santana tensed up when Rachel walked by Quinn. She slowed down until her feet were barely moving, and she tried to get a look at the blonde's face even though Quinn had her head turned the other way, clearly wanting anyone but Rachel to see her. "Today we're going to really hunker down and-"

"Mr. Schue," Quinn interrupted, her voice still thick with tears. "If you don't mind, I have a song I'd like to perform." Everyone watched, eyebrows slightly furrowed in curiosity, as she spoke. She tried not to make eye contact with any of them, and ignore their stares. Even though this is something she desperately needed to get out of her system, she would rather pretend she were alone in this room while she did it.

"Sure, Quinn, go right ahead," he said, and sat down in the front row next to Artie. "Then we need to work on finishing our original songs for Nationals. We can't go to New York empty handed, guys." Everyone in the room ignored him as Quinn got a CD out of her bag, and put it in the boom box sitting on top of the piano. She hit play, and wiped the last of her drying tears from her eyes. She sat down on the stool, and looked at everyone but Rachel as the soft instrumental began.

"Tell me what I'm supposed to do with all these left over feelings of you, 'cause I don't know," she sang, and even though she tried not to, her eyes betrayed her, and she looked right at Rachel. The brunette's eyes instantly swelled with tears, her nose became a bright pink, and Quinn had to physically fight the urge to jump off the stool and take her in her arms.

"And tell me how I'm supposed to feel when all these nightmares become real, 'cause I don't know." Rachel sniffled and wiped her nose with the sleeve of her sweater. For the last four days she had been living a nightmare, and she knew that Quinn was probably feeling the same. But seeing the love of her life, the girl she was sure was her soulmate, sitting up there with tears in her eyes and her heart bare for everyone to see and there was no way she could go to her and offer comfort? That was hell on earth.

"And I don't think you see the places inside me that I find you," Quinn sang, her voice trembled over some of the words but she refused to stop. She had been listening to this song nonstop for almost a day and a half, it had helped her work out most of the feelings raging inside her. So, she was going to get it out even if the words didn't make sense to anyone else. Rachel would still know what she meant, and that was all that mattered.

"And I don't know how we separate the lies here from the truth." At those words, a high pitched sob escaped the back of Rachel's throat, and she covered her mouth with her hand, willing herself to keep the rest of it inside. Guilt tore up her inside, and she didn't know how much more of this she could take. "And I don't know how we woke up one day somehow thought we knew exactly what we're supposed to do."

"So leave me at the roadside," Quinn's voice cracked and tears poured down her cheeks as she watched Rachel clearly in turmoil over this. She was gripping the seat of the stool so hard her knuckles were white. Every fiber of her being was screaming at her to run to her love, to take her away from this place, to somewhere safe and just theirs, and kiss every tear off of her face. Instead, she opened her mouth, and continued. "And hang me up and out to dry. So leave me at the roadside. And hang me up and out to dry." When her voice cracked again, she stopped. She couldn't keep going on like this with Rachel so clearly upset. It was nothing but torture for both.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: so, here it is, the last chapter of this little story. The book referenced is by Neil Gaiman, and the song used is called Dream written and performed by Priscilla Ahn. I highly suggest listened to it either before you read this, or while you read the part that has the first two verses and the chorus. Or, ya know, anytime because it is a very pretty song. Anyway, please remember to leave a review. They really are a big motivation for continuing.**

**And to the guest who brought this up in a review: it was stated in chapter five of Forever that Quinn did talk to Rachel about her issues, and suspicions regarding Cindy after witnessing the performance of Without You. It was also stated that Rachel tried to convince Quinn she was wrong, and that nothing was going on. Just wanted to clear the air in case anyone else was having similar thoughts.**

* * *

Rachel Berry let out a small sigh as she set her book down on the coffee table and sat down on the couch. She had never felt more relieved for a school day to be over. She had an assignment for glee club, but she didn't remember the details. After Quinn performed that beautiful yet heart wrenching song the only thing the little diva could focus on was not choking on her tears. When she watched as Quinn had to end the performance before the song was over because she was having the same problem, she wanted nothing more than to run into her arms and take all the pain away, but since that wasn't a possibility neither girl could bare to look at the other for the rest of the day.

_Daddy is probably going to be so mad at me for skipping ballet. My whole body hurts from crying all the time so sorry for not wanting to practice my plies. I can't use the excuse that I have cramps to get him to leave me alone because he stopped being grossed out by my menstrual cycle last year. I guess I could just tell him about the song Quinn sang about me. He's always had a soft spot for big gestures, and he knows better than anyone how much I'm hurting_, she thought, and looked around the silent living room.

She couldn't help but think back on that day almost four months ago when she had been sitting in this same spot after having a bad day at school, and Quinn had snuck over. They had been sneaking around for a while so it wasn't strange. What made that day different, however, was Quinn had asked for more. She opened up her heart, let Rachel see how much she cared about her, and said she wanted to proudly walk down the halls of McKinley High with the diva on her arm. Rachel had turned her down, too scared to be out to the entire population at school, but seeing Quinn's faith in them as a couple had given her a feeling she wasn't sure how to describe at the time.

Today, however, when she got off the couch and made her way into the kitchen, it wasn't to check out a strange noise, but to simply get a glass of water. When she walked upstairs, it wasn't because Quinn had pulled one of her juvenile pranks, and she was attempting to give her the silent treatment. When she laid down on her bed, it wasn't because they were kissing heatedly, and wanted to comfortably reach second instead of standing in the middle of the room.

No, she laid down because she was too tired to stand. Her eyes were sore from crying, her chest and back ached from the sobs that had wracked her body, and she wanted nothing more than to pass the time in her room alone. Maybe she was finally starting to go through a teenage rebellion because she didn't care if her fathers would be mad at her for skipping her ballet class. She didn't care that she was allowing herself to get behind in something that was important to reaching her goal of becoming a famous Broadway actress. She didn't care about any of it at the moment. She just wanted to lie down and let everything outside this room just melt away.

She was about to close her eyes and do something for the first time since she was four and had the flu: take a nap, but something caught her attention on the other side of the room. She crawled off her bed, and walked over to the dresser. Tucked into the frame of her mirror were some photographs that her daddy had taken and printed out for her. They were pictures of her and Quinn. The first being one taken the morning that Quinn had picked her up for the first time for school. Leroy had called her Pumpkin, Quinn had teased her about it, and embarrassed her even more. The picture was a blushing Rachel looking down at her feet while a very giddy looking Quinn gave her a soft kiss on the cheek.

The second photo was taken the first night Quinn had dinner at the Berry's house. Rachel remembered how nervous her girlfriend had been, and how rude her dad was. Quinn seemed to understand where he was coming from, and after talking with him in private he stopped acting so aloof with her. The photo was of the two of them cuddled up on the couch in the entertainment room watching Nightmare On Elm Street. Leroy had snuck down the stairs and took the photo from behind so all that can be seen are the backs of their heads as Quinn rested against Rachel's shoulder while they cuddled under a blanket.

The third and final photograph had been taken at school. When Rachel's fathers found out that the production of Rocky Horror was going to be a closed performance to avoid any controversy, Leroy almost threw a fit. The two men ended up sneaking into the auditorium to watch the kids perform anyway. At the very end of it, they couldn't stop themselves from applauding. The picture is of Quinn and Rachel sitting on the edge of the stage still in their costumes. Quinn had suggested they make funny faces for the picture and Rachel reluctantly agreed. At the last second, Quinn stopped making a weird face and smiled normally while Rachel's eyes are crossed and the tip of her tongue is touching her nose.

Rachel couldn't help but laugh as she thought back to what happened just moments after. When her fathers, Kurt, Tina, Mercedes, Sam, Santana, and Brittany started laughing at what Quinn had done, she didn't think anything of it. However, when Leroy turned the camera around for her to see, she became so embarrassed and angry. Quinn couldn't hold back her laughter, that sounded very much like an evil cackle. Rachel had stomped her foot, called Quinn an ass for embarrassing her girlfriend in front of their friends, and stormed off to the back room where the props and some of the costumes were kept.

A very deep blush bloomed on Rachel's face when she thought about what happened next. Quinn had followed her, and tried to apologize. She said that another picture could be taken, and she would make an even dorkier face while Rachel smiled beautifully if that would make the diva feel better. She promised never to do anything like that again, and promised she would do whatever Rachel wanted to make it up to her. All the while she was gently rubbing Rachel's back, and the brunette allowed it because she wasn't really as upset as she was letting on, but instead wanted to try and teach Quinn a lesson about pulling those juvenile pranks.

Rachel ignored her. She looked away from Quinn while the other girl spoke, and tried her best not to react to the blonde even though her apologetic tone of voice sounded very adorable, and made Rachel want to melt. She especially tried to ignore the other girl when Quinn started kissing her; first her cheek, her chin, then all along her jaw line, and when Rachel's breathing started to pick up despite her best efforts to stay neutral, Quinn finally kissed her on the lips. She tried as hard as she could to look unaffected when Quinn whispered, "let me make you feel better" against her lips. She tried as hard as she could not to arch into her girlfriend when she saw that almost predatory look in Quinn's eyes, her irises a dark green, the pupils completely blown.

At first Rachel had been confused, but quickly shoved that feeling to the back of her mind when Quinn kissed her again. Instead of finding a rhythm and sticking with it, Quinn kept Rachel guessing by alternating between deep sensual kisses that got her heart pounding, and short teasing pecks that made the brunette long for more. It wasn't until she felt Quinn's fingers very slowly and very gently making their way up the brunette's thigh that Rachel knew what Quinn meant by making her feel better.

Rachel was already so worked up from kissing that it didn't take long before the blonde had her standing on the precipice. She had to wrap her arms around Quinn while she worked her fingers over Rachel's clit in slow, tight circles - over the underwear since Rachel wasn't ready for skin on skin contact - because her knees felt too wobbly to hold her up. A tightness coiled up in her belly, her thighs, her back, and her hands fisted around Quinn's costume so tight the material permanently stretched. Her breathing became so rapid and shallow that she saw spots, and when she finally fell off the edge it was much more intense than anything she'd experienced on her own.

Her blood roared in her ears, a high pitched whiny noise ripped out of her throat, and a burning feeling shot through her bloodstream before it was replaced with a cool tingly sensation that made her limbs feel weak, and her eyelids heavy. She began to giggle at all of the sensations she was feeling all at once, and she collapsed against Quinn's body. She didn't even think about the possibility of falling, partly because she knew Quinn would catch her, but mostly because her brain still felt too fuzzy to think anything other than "best apology ever".

Rachel carefully took the pictures out of the frame of the mirror, and sat down on her bed, resting her back against the headboard. She slowly flipped through the pictures letting as many memories as she could remember flood her mind as she studied Quinn's pretty face. The very first one that came to mind was the first night Quinn participated in the weekly Berry family game night. A very heated match of Scrabble had been played that ended with Rachel losing by ten points, and she threw the board across the room sending little wooden pieces flying everywhere.

There was the time, not long ago, when the two snuck over to Quinn's while Judy was at work. After a very quick tour of the Fabray mansion, they ended up in Judy's room making out on her bed. Quinn had been a little more aggressive than normal that day as she pinned Rachel's wrists to the bed, and ground their hips together, she also covered both sides of Rachel's neck in hickies while Rachel was loving the feeling of doing something completely forbidden. She was still banned from Quinn's house, and breaking the rules had been a very odd turn on.

Rachel's favorite memory, however, was also the most mundane. It was the Sunday Quinn had come over after church. Her father had come over to drop off the child support check, and Quinn made a quick retreat when Judy invited him in to go over some terms of the divorce. Quinn didn't feel like talking, and Rachel didn't push. Instead she watched as Quinn walked over to her bookcase and carefully scanned everything on the shelves until something caught her eye. She laid on the bed, and Rachel instantly curled up against her; her head against Quinn's chest so she could hear her breathing and heart beating. Every once in a while Quinn would laugh quietly, and say "listen to this" before reciting a passage from The Graveyard Book.

_And now we'll never do anything like that again_, she thought with a small sigh. She tried as hard as she could to keep the tears at bay, but as her mind got stuck on that memory, on the feeling of being snuggled against Quinn's warm body, breathing in the smell of her perfume, fabric softener, conditioner, and a scent that was uniquely _Quinn_, as the blonde absentmindedly ran her fingers through Rachel's hair. She would turn the page and a minute or two later realize she had forgotten to put her hand back, and begin the soothing motion over again. Laying there like that had given Rachel a feeling of peace, a sense of home that she had never felt before.

She sniffled, and wiped at her eyes as she chewed on her bottom lip, and tried as hard as she could to make a decision. _I should just leave her alone. It wouldn't be fair. But she still cares about me. God, I just want to hear her voice; just for a second. I need to get the information for the glee assignment anyway. She'll understand that I'm only calling for the sake of my education_, she thought and picked up the phone. She didn't allow herself to think, to possibly talk herself out of pushing the 1 key, and hitting send.

She worried her bottom lip as she listened to the phone ring. She tried to come up with something to say once Quinn answered her phone. She tried to prepare herself for hearing the blonde's pretty voice. She tried as hard as she could to make the tears stop swelling up in her eyes, and rolling down her cheeks, but none of it was happening. _Just focus on school, Rachel. You're calling to ask her what Mr. Schue assigned so you won't get a failing grade at the end of the week. You're not calling because you miss her so much it feels like your heart is about to explode and you want to hear her voice_, she thought and sucked in a little breath when the call went to voicemail.

She knew that Quinn would recognize her number even if she had deleted it from her contact list. She couldn't just hang up. She had to leave a message or else Quinn might get suspicious. Things were already bad between them, and very awkward at school, the last thing she needed was Quinn thinking she was turning into one of those psychotic girls who stalk their ex because they can't get over them. _Because I'm calling about school, so there's no way she could think that I'm turning into one of those girls_, she thought as she waited for the beep. As soon as she heard it, however, all thoughts of glee vanished from her mind.

"Hi, Quinn," she said, and couldn't stop the little hiccup as her breathing started to become a little erratic. "I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from right now. I know I screwed everything up, and you have every right to ignore me, or hate me, or however you feel." Her throat got a very thick feel to it, and she swallowed, trying to make it go back to normal. "And I know you have Santana and probably even Brittany to lean on right now, and I'm so grateful for that, but Quinn, the thing is, you're my best friend. And right now I'm sad, and my heart is broken, and I need my best friend right now. I need her so much. So if you could please, I don't know, just-" _ Oh my God, what am I doing?_

She hung up the phone and dropped it as if she had been burned. She covered her mouth and nose with her hands, staring at the white plastic with wide, red rimmed eyes. She started crying harder, the harsh sobs rocked her body causing her muscles to ache. She laid down on the bed, no longer able to hold her head up, and she wrapped her comforter in her fists as she cried into the soft material. _Why do I have to be such a freak? She's probably going to laugh when she hears that message. She's going to put it on speaker and she and Santana and Brittany are going to laugh at the friendless freak of McKinley High._

She laid there like that for twenty minutes, sobbing hysterically, occasionally mumbling about how sorry she was, and begging God to take this pain away. She startled when she heard her bedroom door open. She very slowly sat up, and wiped her tears from her face. _I swear if Dad tries to tell me that this is just high school and in ten years I'm going to look back on right now and think it isn't that big of a deal I'm going to throw the biggest fit he's ever seen. It'll be worse than the game of Pictionary of Thanksgiving 2001. How did he not get "Little House on the Prairie"?_

When she turned around to face the door she froze. Every muscle in her body tensed, her heart started pounding in her chest, and she stopped breathing when she saw Quinn standing in the doorway. The hide-a-key in one hand, and her purse in the other. Neither one of them moved as a thick tension settled over the room. She couldn't read the look on the blonde's face as she watched Quinn's eyes move rapidly over her. The longer she stood there, though, the more readable she became. Rachel could see how worried she look, and it was when she finally cracked, that Rachel broke down again.

Her chin quivered first, and fresh tears pooled in her eyes before quickly spilling over the edge, and sliding down her red and puffy cheeks. She watched as Quinn immediately rushed forward, dropping her things to the floor, and she sat down on the edge, her legs curled off to the side as she faced the diva. Rachel couldn't take it. She couldn't stand the sight of Quinn, the smell of Quinn, or just hearing the other girl breathe deeply, as if she were willing herself to stay calm. Rachel had no doubt that she was. After the encounter in the bathroom this morning it was very clear to her that Quinn couldn't stand to see her in pain.

She sat there crying for only a moment, and she didn't fight it at all when Quinn brought her hand up and gently wrapped it around the back of Rachel's neck. She carefully pulled the other girl down until the diva was resting her head in her lap, and Rachel instantly wrapped her arms around the other girl's waist, clinging to her as if her life depended on it. Quinn started making soft shushing sounds, and ran those amazing fingers through her long brown hair. She cried harder, as just that feeling alone brought back so many more memories, but also caused a mountain of shame and guilt to build up residence in her chest.

"Shhh, Rach, you're going to make yourself sick if you keep crying like that," she said, and Rachel clung to her tighter. How could she have screwed up with someone so perfect? Yes, Quinn had her flaws, she lashed out when she felt insecure, she still struggled with an eating disorder, and the need to be the European-style definition of perfect. Underneath all of that she was caring, and loving, and she did things like coming over to her ex-girlfriend's house even though Rachel was sure she felt like her heart was being ripped apart all over again. All those kind words just made the diva cry harder even though she desperately tried to calm down.

"I was a little girl," Quinn began to sing, and Rachel's ears strained to hear her over the muffled sound of her own sobs. "Alone in my little world, who dreamed of a little home for me." Rachel didn't recognize the lyrics, which made her pay attention even more. "I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed on a pretty bed of green." She continued to gently run her fingers through the long silky hair under them, and occasionally would run her blunt fingernails along Rachel's scalp because she knew how much that soothed the diva.

"I had a dream that I could fly from the highest swing. I had a dream." Rachel coughed as her tears began to slow. She sniffled, and rolled over onto her side. She peeked up at Quinn who was looking down at her, her pretty blonde hair fell around her face, and Rachel could have sworn it was shining in the light. When Quinn used the pad of her thumb to wipe away the diva's drying tears, Rachel's chin quivered a little more, fresh tears threatening to spill, and that's when Quinn continued.

"Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park. I asked God who I'm supposed to be," she sang, her voice soft and velvety as it fell over Rachel's ears. She rolled over a little more, turning her head so she could look up at Quinn with both eyes, and she ran the back of her hand over her nose, and tried not to focus too much on the former cheerleader very gently wiping away her drying tears on the side of her face that was now exposed. She was too afraid to ask why Quinn was suddenly smiling, but she allowed her eyebrows to furrow slightly in wonder.

"The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent revery. I said a prayer, and fell asleep." Quinn gently laid the palm of her hand on Rachel's face. Her fingertips rested on the back of Rachel's neck, and she softly rubbed her thumb from the corner of the diva's eye to her hairline, over and over and over again, trying to bring as much comfort to her girl _- No, not my girl anymore, so stop thinking it_ - as she could. "I had a dream that I could fly from the highest tree. I had a dream."

The two sat there in silence now that Rachel had completely calmed, her breathing was back to normal, and her eyes were sore and red, but no longer tearing. Quinn continued her soothing strokes of her thumb, the corners of her mouth turned up in a small smile that Rachel was still too afraid to ask about. Her hazel eyes seemed to shine as they gazed into her own, and the diva thought that she had never looked so beautiful. _Well, maybe when I took her out on our first date. She was practically glowing with happiness when she saw those people standing up on that little stage reading their poetry_, she thought, and sniffled one last time.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice rough and horse from crying. She expected Quinn to stop touching her, to pull her hand away, for her mouth to turn down in a frown as she got off the bed now that the little spell between them was broken. But she didn't. She stopped smiling, but she didn't frown, her expression remained neutral looking. She kept up the comforting strokes of her thumb, and Rachel took a chance and very carefully held onto the hand that wasn't on her face, her touch as soft and gentle as if she were handling the most fragile of glass.

"I know," Quinn said back, and let out a little sigh. She broke eye contact, staring off into space as her gaze settled somewhere on the bed, and Rachel would have killed to get those hazel eyes looking into hers again. She licked her lips, swollen and chapped, and she watched as Quinn started to look around the room, as if she were seeing it for the first time. Rachel would have given anything to develop telepathic powers - if only for just that moment - so she could know what Quinn was thinking.

When the blonde's eyes flickered over to the foot of the bed, another small smile appeared on her face. The look in her eyes changed too, and Rachel watched in fascination, studying Quinn's expressions so carefully, as if this were the last time she was ever going to see her. _This could be the last time I see her like __**this**__. Maybe she's just doing this because she feels bad for me because everything is still so fresh, but before she leaves she's going to say how this can never happen again, and please don't call, and what if she never smiles at me again? What if every time she smiles at someone or something else, but then when she sees me I'm the thing that takes her smiles away? God, please strike me down if that happens, please._

"I forgot about this morning," she said, and used the hand that was on Rachel's face to pick up the three pictures sitting on the bed. Rachel felt a moment of panic the second Quinn's hand moved from her skin. She wanted to rip the pictures from her hand and put it back, but she forced herself to remain calm. There was no way Quinn was stick around any longer if Rachel started acting like a controlling psycho. "You got so mad at your daddy for calling you Pumpkin. Did I ever tell you that the way you talk to them always surprises me? If I ever spoke to my father the way you talk to yours sometimes I'd probably get a smack on the face." She tried to sound light hearted about it, but that thought sent a shiver down Rachel's spine.

"No, you never said anything," Rachel responded, wording her sentence as carefully as possible. She was worried that if she used the wrong combination of words than Quinn would suddenly realize where she was, realize what she was doing, and take off. She became a little panicked when Quinn got a little frown on her face as she continued to look at the picture. The expression in her eyes became very worried, and Rachel felt anxiety crawl up the back of her neck, and settle in her spine.

"Your dads they don't-they don't hate me, do they?" Quinn asked, and Rachel didn't think she had ever heard the other girl sound so small, and meek before. A thousand questions flooded Rachel's mind, the biggest one being why Quinn still cared what her dads thought about her since they were broken up now, but she pushed them down, and took a deep calming breath. Of course Quinn would care. Since Quinn had come over for dinner and seemed to resolve the issue her dad had with her, Quinn had become like a second child to them, and Rachel had a sneaking suspicion that Quinn - most likely unconsciously - viewed her fathers as her own surrogate dads.

"No, they don't," she said with a little shake of her head. "The day that." Her voice caught in her throat, and she wondered for a second if she should continue. She wasn't entirely sure she would be able to without crying again. She decided to try because clearly Quinn needed the reassurance. "The day that we broke up, Dad was mad because he thought...I don't know, that maybe you broke my heart or something. But when I told him what happened he stopped." She refused to say what her dad had been saying about the other girl. Even if Quinn asked she wouldn't have said.

"Ok," Quinn said, and she sounded as if she wasn't sure what to say. She licked her lips, and looked down at the picture again. "Your dads were always really nice to me. I didn't like the thought that they hated me for...you know." She felt like a coward for not being able to get the words out. She glanced down at Rachel, and she saw as well as felt the brunette nod her head a little. She focused her attention on the feel of Rachel's hand still gently holding hers as she pretended to look at the picture some more. She was so caught up in trying to memorize everything about the feel of Rachel's skin that she barely heard her when she spoke.

"I lied, you know," she said, breaking the silence that had settled between them. Quinn's eyes went wide, and she looked down at Rachel. A million thoughts, none of them good, jumped into her mind at once, giving her an instant headache, as she looked down at the girl still using her lap for a pillow. "I know it doesn't matter anymore because we're broken up, but I lied to you about what happened. I was singing a song, I don't even remember which one anymore, and you know how I always close my eyes when I have to hold a really long note?" Quinn nodded her head. Of course she knew that, she could barely take her eyes off Rachel whenever the other girl sang.

"Well, I had my eyes closed, and she put her hands on my face just like you saw, I guess," she said, not wanting to acknowledge that Quinn had indeed witnessed the kiss, but for a reason she couldn't name, she needed to say it. "And it was like I froze up. I knew she was going to kiss me, I could just tell by the way she was looking at me, and when she leaned in I wanted to push her away, but I just stood there." Fresh tears burst into her eyes, but she managed to hold them back. She felt too exhausted to cry anymore, and as she stared up at Quinn's face, watching a hundred different expressions pull and tweak the muscles before finally settling on confused, Rachel felt even more tired.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked, but she didn't sound angry like Rachel had been expecting. She sounded sad, and maybe disappointed, but Rachel wouldn't let herself go there or else she would start crying again. Instead, she let out a little sigh, and started to run her thumb over the back of Quinn's hand. She needed to do something to try and drain the anxiety that was building up in her chest, and making her feel antsy. She was afraid that Quinn would pull her hand away once she started moving her thumb, that the action would draw too much attention to the fact that they were still holding hands, but she didn't, and Rachel was grateful for that.

"Because she told me what happened after we performed _Without You_ together, and she was afraid if you knew about the kiss that you would go after her, and she would be outed," she said, and her lip began to quiver. "She told me about her family, and they're so conservative. She said that if they found out she's bi they'd send her to one of those gay reparative therapy camps, and if they did that she said she would have killed herself." To her own surprise she didn't start crying. She guessed her body was just too worn down to start again.

"I wanted to tell you as soon as it happened, but Cindy was so scared, Quinn," her voice cracked a little, and she coughed. Her throat hurt so bad, and she cursed herself for it. This was going to do so much damage, and she really didn't want to think about the consequences her singing voice would suffer from all of this crying her body had been put through. "She swore to me that it would never happen again, and I told her that if she did kiss me again I would tell you, and she promised, Quinn, she promised me it wouldn't happen again."

"Rachel," Quinn said, her own voice thick with tears as she took in everything the diva was saying. Cindy Sanders sounded like she came from a home much like her own, and it made her feel very conflicted. Since she had witnessed the kiss her uneasiness about the girl turned into a red hot hated, but now she wasn't sure what to think. "When I confronted you about it, why didn't you just tell me all of this? You know how my mom has been since I came out, did you think I wouldn't understand?" She sounded very confused, and not at all accusatory like Rachel would have expected.

"I was afraid of what you would do, Quinn," she said, sounding ashamed. "You had been acting weird since I started giving Cindy singing lessons. The way you looked at her when you saw us hanging out together, it reminded me so much of that girl who used to throw slushies at me almost every day, and I was afraid you would lash out at her if you knew she was the one who kissed me. I made up that stupid lie because I wanted to protect her, and I thought if the reason we kissed was something platonic than you wouldn't be upset about it." Her bottom lip and chin began to quiver once more, and this time when the tears flooded her eyes she couldn't hold them back.

"And when you did get mad, when you accused me of being a cheater, I panicked, and I lashed out," she said, her voice choking up as she forced the words out. "I'm such a horrible person. I know what Beth means to you, and how much getting pregnant changed you, and-and I do worry, well I did worry, that you would find someone prettier, and smarter, and better than me now that we're out, and you would do something with them, or you would leave me for them. It had nothing to do with you, though, that's just my insecurities. I worried about the same thing when Finn and I were together." She wiped her tears away, and was thankful when no more replaced them. _I guess my body is too dried out_, she thought and sniffled.

"You're not a horrible person," Quinn whispered after a few minutes of silence. She looked at Rachel, only keeping eye contact for a few seconds before her eyes would flicker to other parts of the girls face. She didn't really know how to respond to all of this. Everything she had come to believe wasn't true, and her mind felt like it was going numb as Rachel's words soaked into her memory. "You handled everything wrong, but that doesn't make you a horrible person." She didn't know what else to say.

"But you know that I'm sorry, and that I still love you, and if I could go back in time and do it differently I would. You know that, right?" Rachel asked in a quiet voice just above a whisper, but her throat was too sore at this point to speak any higher than that. She watched as Quinn simply responded with a slight nod of her head, and she let out a small sigh of relief. She didn't know she had been craving for that acknowledgement, but now that she had it her whole body relaxed like it was breathing a big subconscious sigh of relief.

"I still love you too," Quinn said, and looked into Rachel's eyes. There was so much swirling around in those hazel orbs, and Rachel didn't know what to think of that statement. She wanted to ask if there was still hope, wanted to know if this was something they could eventually work out, but she was too afraid of the answer she would receive. Her fathers had always taught her not to allow that type of thinking to control her, but today she wasn't going to listen. "I still can't believe what you said to me, and I don't know if I'll ever feel differently about it, but I really do love you, and it hasn't just disappeared because of...everything."

Rachel nodded her head a little, and she felt lightheaded now. She felt safe, and warm, and loved; not just by Quinn's words, but simply by her presence. She wanted to keep talking, she wanted to beg for forgiveness, but she still didn't feel like she deserved it, so she refused to give into that urge. She looked up at Quinn's face with tired eyes, and she let out a huge yawn. She didn't even bother to blush or feel embarrassed; her body was too run down to feel those things at the moment. She shut her eyes, and let herself be lulled by Quinn's breathing as she allowed her body to finally slip into unconsciousness, her mind finally at peace with the knowledge that her love didn't hate her.


	5. Author's Note

**I just wanted to let those of you who added this to their story alerts, but not the author alert, that the first chapter of the next story in the series has been posted. It's titled Light Up the World. Hope you check it out.**


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